Mom On The Run

I’m around – sort of…  I’m a walking zombie because Brooke is:

1) going through a major growth spurt (nursing aorund the clock) and suddenly looks EXACTLY like her sister did 2 yrs ago

2) getting her two front top teeth (Oh how I LOVE teething ….)

3) has a killer freaking cold.  Snot everywhere, coughing, fever, difficulty sleeping…

This week has been mucho fun…  I promise to write up another update post to catch y’all up on the goings on in my life – just not tonight ’cause I seriously need some sleep!

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I lost it, 3 yrs ago!  I’ve been looking everywhere for it (even in the couch), I even thought it would turn up when we moved, but *sigh* no such luck.  But I want it back! 

It’s tough – you know, this having small children stuff.  They require so much loving, hugging, reassuring, consoling etc… that by the end of the day I’m all touched out.  I just want to retreat to the couch and sit alone – no one near me!  Get away!  But it’s been 3 yrs and I think its about time to burn all of my maternity undies, get rid of the old maternity t-shirts and bring THE SEXY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, if anyone has seen my mojo, could you please send it back home to me?  ‘Cause I don’t even know where to begin looking for it!

PS – check it out!  I’m a winner, well, ok a runner-up, but whatever, I’m still getting a can of Jig-a-loo sent to me!  Now I can finally get our squeaky old doors fixed so that I no longer wake the babes checking in one them when they’re sleeping.

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You may remember a while back, way, way, way back, I wanted to introduce a bottle to Brooke.  Well that didn’t quite go well so I gave up.  Lately, we’ve found that Brooke is super interested in sippy cups – particularly her sister’s cup if it has "Purple Juice" in it.  I’ve also noticed that lately she’s not interested in nursing during the day – pretty much only nursing at nap times, before bed and 3 times through the night.  Yeah – still nursing 6 times a day, but only at sleepy times which doesn’t solve my biggest problem – having her fall asleep at bedtime for daddy when I have softball games (Monday nights) or nap times when I go back to work.  

Taking advantage of Brooke’s interest in sippy cups, I’ve begun pumping (expressing) milk for her.  She loves it and happily sips away at her cup – last night she drank 3 ounces from her cup!  But of course, still not at nap times.  Today I decided to keep her up as long as she would happily stay awake, instead of putting her down at her usual nap time (9:30 am).  She was fairly happy until 10:30, so I offered her a sippy of milk, she drank most of it, but then started climbing on me, whining, trying to nurse.  I poured the remainder of her sippy into a bottle, brought her to her room, held her in our rocking chair, and offered her the bottle.  At first she turned her head towards me, but I didn’t lift my shirt.  I then offered her the bottle.  She opened her mouth and happily drank part of it and fell asleep while I continued to rock her.  For the first time ever, she fell asleep drinking a bottle.  She’s fallen asleep without nursing before: in her car seat, and in her high chair at lunch – but that’s it.

Day time feedings have been a fight with Brooke for about 2-3 weeks.  She squirms around, poking me, pinching me, turning her head with any sound remotely interesting.  She doesn’t feed long, and doesn’t seem too upset by it.  She eats a TON of solid foods – preferring bite sized pieces of our food over baby food.  Is she beginning to self wean?  This is what Sierra did at 12 mos, but by then she had been going to homecare for 2 months and was used to getting 2-3 bottles of expressed milk/day, so with her I stopped offering, and she stopped asking.  I think I missed it way more than her.  So, is this really the beginning of the end?

I feel so sad, even though this is what I wanted.  I wanted a little more freedom, I wanted to go to softball guilt free, I wanted Brooke to start daycare off on the right foot. And Yay!  She takes a bottle at nap time!  I got what I wanted!  I’m so emotionally attached to nursing – it’s like my one special bond with her.  She’s so easy going that she goes to anyone readily, with the exception of when she’s hungry or thirsty because up until now I’ve been the only one able to meet her needs then.  So if this is what I wanted, why is it so painful?  So hard for me?  Why do I feel like my heart might break? 

Do I now only offer the breast at bed time and through the night?  I’m so confused as to what to do, and I don’t even know if there is a right answer.  Is she done with daytime nursing?  Should I encourage this?  Gah!  I thought motherhood would be easier the second time around – but it’s not, its completely different, this child is completely different, my situation is completely different – and the answers are still just as hard to come by. 

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Just over a month ago I added Google Ads to my site.  I didn’t expect to make any $$ – and so far I’ve earned pennies.  That part hasn’t disappointed me, however some of the ads have really disappointed me.  For awhile there was an ad for a lesbian meet up site, then some other ad for a homosexual meet up service.  Now those didn’t really bother me although I don’t think they were all that relevant to my content.  I logged into Adsense and requested that those ads not be displayed, and thankfully they haven’t reappeared.  However, this ad over in my sidebar really, really ticks me off:

To me it’s suggesting that if you have a colicky baby that you’re breastfeeding, you should switch to their formula.  Ummmm no!  Try cutting dairy out of your diet!  But thats beside the point.  I’m not even sure this ad meets WHO guidelines:

The International Code imposes strict guidelines that prohibit the promotion of infant formula to the public, the promotion of infant formula through health care systems, direct contact between formula companies and mothers, and ensure proper labels on all products describing the benefits of breastfeeding and the dangers of bottlefeeding (see the International Code page on this website for more information).

When I clicked the ad to see where it would take me, I was brought to an online coupon for a free sample of breast-milk subsitute – go on try it ->

What the hell?  I’m so angry I can’t even write a post that adequately explains why this type of advertising is so dreadfully wrong!!!!!  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  Not to mention misleading – as if colic will clear up by switching to formula – only time reduces colic from my personal experience.  Sierra outgrew it (thankfully) and I didn’t change anything.  Arrgh!  So pissed off – must take a shower and go to bed!

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I don’t often post about my job, career, and employer.  I’ve mentioned before that I do have a job that I’m currently in the 10th month of my 1 year maternity leave from (I love being Canadian!), but I haven’ written much about it other than that.  Today something happened that made me step back and re-evaluate my career, my current job and my future. 

A few weeks ago I learned that a position superior to mine had become vacant.  Resumes were being accepted for the position!  Yay!  I worked my butt off on my resume, submitted it, and was then selected for an interview!  Being over-confident I assumed I was a shoo-in for the job.  Fast forward to today – I visited my boss at work for a friendly social call, bringing baby Brooke so she could meet her.  It was then that I was told that the position was given to someone else, and that my job responsibilities had changed somewhat – doing less on the purchasing side of things, and more on the risk management side. 

I’ve spent all day experiencing a wide array of emotions.  Sadness – feeling a loss even though I never actually had the job, anger – how come they don’t want me?,  acceptance – ok, maybe its not in the cards for me yet, and confusion – where do I go from here?  I took a step back in my career to have a stable job close to home when Sierra was 10 mos old.  I knew we were planning on having a second, so just having a job nearby was all that was important.  It was a bonus that the job was in my field (purchasing).  But now?  Our family is pretty much complete, I’m ready to begin re-building my career.  This position will definitely be a step in the right direction.  But I didn’t get it.  The candidate I lost out to is a fantastic person, works well with my team, and has many more years of experience in that exact position.  For my boss, hiring her instead of me is a no-brainer – and I don’t begrudge her for it. But where do *I* go form here?  Do I stay?  Will I be considered in the future for that position when we expand the department?  Do I sit tight and wait for that position to open up with another employer in this industry?  Another industry?  Maybe even further from home?  What to do?  What to do?

But then, I picked up Sierra from daycare.  She came running to me with her arms out "Mommy!  You’re here!  You’re here!", showering me with hugs and kisses.  It was then that I knew what matters most – that I’m here for my girls.  In my current position I don’t need to put in extra hours, I work 8:30-4:30, I get every 3rd Friday off, I never have important-can’t-miss-or the-sky-will-fall meetings that interfere with my ability to care for a sick child.  I’m a strong believer in every thing happens for a reason, and right now I think this is what’s meant for me.  For now I need to be available for my family. Maybe when the girls are older opportunity will knock again, I’ll answer the door and hopefully, just hopefully I’ll be allowed in. 

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