Mom On The Run

You may remember a while back, way, way, way back, I wanted to introduce a bottle to Brooke.  Well that didn’t quite go well so I gave up.  Lately, we’ve found that Brooke is super interested in sippy cups – particularly her sister’s cup if it has "Purple Juice" in it.  I’ve also noticed that lately she’s not interested in nursing during the day – pretty much only nursing at nap times, before bed and 3 times through the night.  Yeah – still nursing 6 times a day, but only at sleepy times which doesn’t solve my biggest problem – having her fall asleep at bedtime for daddy when I have softball games (Monday nights) or nap times when I go back to work.  

Taking advantage of Brooke’s interest in sippy cups, I’ve begun pumping (expressing) milk for her.  She loves it and happily sips away at her cup – last night she drank 3 ounces from her cup!  But of course, still not at nap times.  Today I decided to keep her up as long as she would happily stay awake, instead of putting her down at her usual nap time (9:30 am).  She was fairly happy until 10:30, so I offered her a sippy of milk, she drank most of it, but then started climbing on me, whining, trying to nurse.  I poured the remainder of her sippy into a bottle, brought her to her room, held her in our rocking chair, and offered her the bottle.  At first she turned her head towards me, but I didn’t lift my shirt.  I then offered her the bottle.  She opened her mouth and happily drank part of it and fell asleep while I continued to rock her.  For the first time ever, she fell asleep drinking a bottle.  She’s fallen asleep without nursing before: in her car seat, and in her high chair at lunch – but that’s it.

Day time feedings have been a fight with Brooke for about 2-3 weeks.  She squirms around, poking me, pinching me, turning her head with any sound remotely interesting.  She doesn’t feed long, and doesn’t seem too upset by it.  She eats a TON of solid foods – preferring bite sized pieces of our food over baby food.  Is she beginning to self wean?  This is what Sierra did at 12 mos, but by then she had been going to homecare for 2 months and was used to getting 2-3 bottles of expressed milk/day, so with her I stopped offering, and she stopped asking.  I think I missed it way more than her.  So, is this really the beginning of the end?

I feel so sad, even though this is what I wanted.  I wanted a little more freedom, I wanted to go to softball guilt free, I wanted Brooke to start daycare off on the right foot. And Yay!  She takes a bottle at nap time!  I got what I wanted!  I’m so emotionally attached to nursing – it’s like my one special bond with her.  She’s so easy going that she goes to anyone readily, with the exception of when she’s hungry or thirsty because up until now I’ve been the only one able to meet her needs then.  So if this is what I wanted, why is it so painful?  So hard for me?  Why do I feel like my heart might break? 

Do I now only offer the breast at bed time and through the night?  I’m so confused as to what to do, and I don’t even know if there is a right answer.  Is she done with daytime nursing?  Should I encourage this?  Gah!  I thought motherhood would be easier the second time around – but it’s not, its completely different, this child is completely different, my situation is completely different – and the answers are still just as hard to come by. 

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