And The Good Mom Award Goes To….

goodmomawardlogo-sm NOT ME!  No. Certainly not me – not after tonight. 

I finally have had it.  I haven’t had a break from the kids (specifically Brookie) since she was born.  Well – her first day of life was pretty good – she slept for 6 hours straight while I relaxed in bed, had dinner in bed and watched "Flip That House" for several hours ALL BY MY SELF!  But is that really a break when your va-va is bruised, and swollen and recovering from a 2nd degree tear and you’re far too macho to even ask for a tylenol, never mind an epidural?  Yeah – I think it doesn’t count as a break either.

Anyways,  tonight I was an awful no good crappy-arse mom.  Poor Baby Brookie.  She paid the price for it.  Softball started last week but our 1st early game is in 2 weeks, and I go back to work in 8 weeks, and Brooke only naps for 40 min twice a day, and sleeps only in 2 hour intervals at night….  so I had the bright idea to begin sleep training….  Let’s just say it didn’t go well….

After our usual bath, Brooke said goodnight to Sierra and Daddy.  Then I put her in her sleep sack (Grobag).  I nursed and rocked her to sleepy, but not asleep.  I put her in her crib and Brooke sleepily pushes herself up to sitting and begins playing with her activity centre.  I said "Goodnight Brookie, time for sleep".  I kissed her and walked out.  This is where all hell breaks loose.  Brooke begins wailing but I kept on walking – right out of her room.  I sat in my room for 5 minutes listening to her cry. Not just any cry either.  A cry like I hurt her in the worst possible way.  This horrible gawd awful scream.  After 5 min I went in her room and she stopped crying immediately and put her arms out to me. I picked her up, cuddled her for a minute, then put her back in her bed, I said "Goodnight Brookie, time for sleep", kissed her and walked out AGAIN!  This time I left for 10 min.  She wailed – oh how she wailed.  And then I heard it – a sound I’ve heard Sierra do before – she cried until she puked.  Lovely.  Off I trekked to her room, realized that it was thankfully only a little bit of spitup and it managed to only land on her blankie – nothing on her, and nothing on her bed.  Yippee! I felt bad enough, so I picked her up and nursed her off to sleep.  Yay!  Asleep!   FINALLY!  But then, then I sniffed…  Sniff… Sniff…  She pooped.  So upset she pooped.  (Or maybe that’s why she couldn’t fall asleep?  ‘Cause she had to take a dump?  Then had a crappy diaper?).  Whatever – now she’s fast asleep with a poopy diaper and a killer diaper rash from her butt scooting so I couldn’t just let her sleep in it.  I let her sleep for 10 min then changed her diaper.  Thankfully she stayed asleep. 

I feel abso-f-ing-lutely horrible.  My poor happy-go-lucky baby cried until she pooped and puked.  Because I?  I am so so so so so selfish!  I want to play softball this summer, I want to go back to work in 8 weeks, I want to occasionally go out – maybe to dinner with my hubby, maybe out to scrapbook with some girlfriends.  Who knows!  I just want to occasionally not be home to nurse her to sleep – or back to sleep 6 times a night.  I don’t mind continuing to nurse her, I just want to occasionally go out.  But I can’t.  I can’t make her cry – I hate it – oh how I hate it!  I don’t want to leave her upset – I want her to be able to accept being put to bed by daddy, or Oma, or Grandma.  And I want to be the one to teach her to accept help form others.  I want to teach her how to fall asleep by herself.  I want to teach her to take a bottle by offering it to her once a day.  But so far?  This plan of mine is not working.

So, dear internet, what should I do?  How do I overcome this?  How do we get Brooke to occasionally go to bed with minimal crying (’cause I realize there will be some crying) for someone other than me?  How do I get her ready to start daycare in 8 weeks from now?


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12 thoughts on “And The Good Mom Award Goes To….

  1. You are NOT a bad mother. Babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep. All three of my kids went through that crying and then puking thing, but if you give in, you will never get them to sleep on their own! I know it’s hard, and I know it makes you feel awful, but hang in there.

    Does Brooke have music in her crib? Kaitlyn loved the Fisher Price Aquarium, it has music and little plastic fish and bubbles, and she would watch it as she fell asleep. Just a suggestion :)

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..I’m a published photographer. For reals.

  2. Youre a great mum!
    Kids will cry and vomit and poop no matter what. Sometimes they just need to get the hysterics out of their system.
    You definitely do need your own life outside of being a mummy.
    My wife does waaay more than I do. But today I let her take the car to go visit her family and I lugged the boy and his stroller onto a bus, down to the subway, back up 50 stairs to the street and down to his uncle’s place, because I wanted to see if I could do it.
    It was tough, but I handled it well. However, being Mr. Mum 365 days a year would drive me nuts. It’s hard work and you need help now and then. Nothing wrong with that.

  3. It is so hard to know what to do and how to help our children. They are all so individual and what works for one may not work for another.
    As a mother who does not do cry it out, I had a hard time finding a way to get my children to fall asleep without me. However, I can not recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution enough. Elizabeth Pantley gives really great advice and it works!!!
    Hopefully you will find something that works for you and your family.

  4. You are not a bad mom, and your feelings are totally normal. I say follow your instincts on what feels right. My son, sometimes just needed the time by himself in his crib to fuss and work out what ever he was going through, and I could instantly tell when he was doing that, or when he was in actual distress.

    One thing that hubby & I tried with son #1, (when I was pregnant w/ son #2) & knew Daddy was going to have to get son #1 to bed, was I cuddled w/ him, and hugged him and then left the room.

    Then Daddy would read a story to R., and have a sippy cup in the room. Then dad would turn out the lights, and let R. suck on the sippy cup. He held him until he fell asleep the first night, and then gradually started moving him into his bed befoe he was asleep. In a week, R. only wanted dad to put him to sleep, not me! It worked great for us, but R. was about 18 months old when we did this.

    Every baby is different & some may be ready to get themselves to sleep alone, sooner than later, and vice versa. In the end, you know what is best for your baby and yourself.

    Remember you aren’t in jail. If you try something for a few days, and it isn’t working, you can stop it for the time being, and try it again in a few weeks. You don’t have to stick to something if it isn’t working.

    Hang in there mama! 😛

    Heather (A Mama’s Blog)’s last blog post..Four Things Meme

  5. Aw, I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been there. Primo was a puker too and I couldn’t do it either. It took a few extra months of nursing to sleep but now that he’s too busy to cuddle me 95% of the time I’m incredibly glad I did it. Actually, I miss it sometimes. Sad, but true. Whatever you decide to do, you’re still a great mom!

    Much More Than A Mom’s last blog post..Because I Care About YOU!

  6. You are so not a bad Mom!! You know, every once in a while Brayden will still cry at bedtime, and he’s 2.5 . I can usually tell the difference between the whiny “I want you to cater to me” cry and the “I need to eat/pooh/puke” cry. Kids are creatures of habit, and will adjust when presented with something in a consistant manner. **HUGS** I can’t believe you’re almost back to work!!

  7. YOUR KIDS ARE VERY LUCKY TO HAVE A MOM AS GREAT AS YOU. My kids didn’t. Their mom would ditch them on me, her mom, or about anyone else she could just so she could have her “ME” time when they were not even a month old(as soon as she could get out). If you don’t break a few ties before long someone is going to start engraving your name on a door plaque to go on your room with the thick padded walls. It won’t hurt them at al to work on getting used to someone else doing things for them. That way they won’t always be so dependant on you.

  8. ok for real you are an awesome mom.
    Can your husband start nighttime routines?
    You need to do a few things for yourself or you will go batty, for real.
    My kids never fell for that sleep training stuff. I rocked my girl to sleep until cuddles were enough. Same with the boy. Give it time.
    Before you know it they won’t need us at all anymore 😥

    chelle’s last blog post..FORE!!!!! err FOUR!

  9. Owen did the same thing…to this day I have no clue what actually worked in the end. We tried everything. I read every book on sleep, took in every piece of advice.

    Then one day, literally a week before I went back to work, he slept for 5 hours straight…then eight.. Even up to a few months ago he would sometimes wake up once in the night – usually when he had a cold or teeth coming in. I really think he would have done this at this time…no matter what we tried…it was just his time. That said routine helps…at any age. Keep trying…eventually it will pay off.

    Michelle’s last blog post..Job Posting: Communications Co-ordinator

  10. Omigosh, I FEEL your pain. I’m right there with you today. I had ONE good day, and I felt all “in control.” Today showed me! My next post sounds a hellova lot like yours!!

    Do what I do for the sleeping. I’m having some results (not 100%….) My doctor told me to do this. Put her to bed. Let her cry for 5 mins. Then pick her up and soothe her. Put her back down when you think she’s ready (sleeping…?). Let her cry for 10 mins. Then same thing for 15 mins. I don’t go beyond 15 mins. Usually he doesn’t GET to 15 mins. I shut the door so he can’t see the light from my room (where he really wants to be). It’s been working pretty well. I’ll feed him at midnight if I hear him stirring….

    GOOD LUCK! And, you’re not a bad mommy for any of this! You’re doing your best. We’re HUMAN. And, we’re going a little crazy from all of this. Totally normal. :)

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Productive? Me!

  11. It’s not selfish to want some semblance of life too. And this stuff needs to be done – the earlier the better, before they get too stubborn to be able to learn it and too set in their ways (just like adults).

    I have no answers except keep it up. Keep it up til it works. The hardest part about all this is the guilt that we feel worrying about how the baby feels.

    jafer’s last blog post..Reservation Road

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