I really don’t know how to express this poetically, so I’ll just come out and say it: I am/was depressed. The only way I can think of describing how I’ve been feeling is "foggy" – like I’ve been sitting alone watching the world go by me from behind a dirty little window. Easy tasks have sucked the life right out of me and have been seemingly impossible to complete. Making me fearful of even leaving the house ’cause it’s "just too much work". There has certainly been no joy here in Mudville.
So on Wednesday night I broke down to Rob – I admitted to not feeling "like myself". Rob in his infinite wisdom suggested putting Sierra into Daycare. I protested, but he eventually convinced me that it was the right thing to do. (Putting her in daycare made me feel like I’m a failure, that I just couldn’t hack it as a mom. But after talking, and talking, and talking some more Rob made me feel like putting her in daycare is what good mommies do). So on Thursday I went to the nearest daycare centre in town and asked if they had space 2 days/week. Lo and behold! They did! I signed all the paper work, handed them our entire life’s savings and skipped outta there feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders.
Sierra, of course, is absolutely in love with the idea of going to school. She’s been asking to go for months. Every day she stands at the window watching the kids on our street walk to school or get picked up by the bus. She turns to me and asks, "Mommy, where’s my bus?". After meeting her teacher on Thursday, and seeing her classroom, Sierra didn’t want to leave. A very good sign. This weekend we spent shopping for new "school" clothes, and new "school" shoes. Lastnight she wouldn’t take off her new school clothes and informed me which outfit she wanted to wear.
Today I feel like a million bucks! I did my hair! I found my make up bag and did my make up! I have pants on…with a zipper!
After dropping Sierra off at daycare this morning, I went grocery shopping (for 2 hours). I put the groceries away, I cleaned up the house (a bit), I reorganized the girls’ rooms, AND I phoned a friend! I even sang to Brookie today as I changed her diaper. She giggled and I realized that my unhappiness has been affecting everyone. As Dr. Phil would say, "If Mama ain’t happy, then no one is happy".
The sun is shining today – not only outside on the snow, but inside my head as well.
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I’ve been depressed since early childhood, so I hear you loud and clear. I’m glad the lights are coming on for you.
Ed’s last blog post..Tornado alley
I am so happy for you. I’ve been feeling foggy lately too and it’s a hard state of mind to deal with…
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Harder
I am glad you are feeling better. Daycare will be good for Sierra. It will teach her to get along with children, plus get her more friends of her own age.
You did the best thing! And you’re not a failure – you’re a mom pulled in too many directions.(I get that myself too, and I secretly can’t wait until my middle son goes to school next year – 2 days a week!)
And two days is nothing – you’ve still got 5 days in the week to spoil her with your love!
Aimee’s last blog post..Well, we got the snow day I’ve been wishing for
aw that’s great. Sometimes I wish I could take E to one once or twice a week but we don’t really have one I trust (I’m paranoid) and he’s getting kinda old for that. Maybe next week he can go to Grandma’s for a day.
Go Janice, yay!
valerie’s last blog post..Snow Days
Wow. I’m so glad for you.
I’ve been feeling a bit “foggy” myself.
I’m also feeling I might put a kid (or two) in school. this is huge for me as I’m a homeschooler…anyway, stay tuned and thanks for such an honest post!
shay’s last blog post..Snow, rain, oceans, ski hills and old friends….
Yay for you to be able to get what you need to be a better mom/wife/woman.
chelle’s last blog post..Making My Way Back
Good for you! Seriously. We sometimes take on too much, as mothers, to our own peril. I just hired a university student to come and watch my toddler two mornings a week because I’m tired of trying to work during nap time and after the kids are in bed. I can’t freakin’ wait.
Janet’s last blog post..Extending the Five Second Rule
Can you believe our little ones are old enough to even be talking about school?!
Now is where I give you sh_t for not venting earlier. I think if we as moms had more time on our hands(like 24 hours more a day – especially with Daddys that work long hours and have to travel), we wouldn’t be so tired which of course leads to living in Mudville. So welcome back to Happyville
I’m glad you’ve found your way out and that hubby was supportive and helped you.
This whole Mommy thing is tough! You look after yourself.
Hugs!