You see I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I will never be satisfied with anything I do – I always think I could have done that better, put more effort in it etc…. I’ve ran a few full-marathons and instead of being proud of finishing, I whine and complain about how I should have trained harder, pushed harder in the race, and walked less to beat that 4-hour mark that I’ve set as my goal. I came very close once and I’ve promised myself that one day I will qualify for Boston.

I digress…

When I took off my glasses Monday night, I was absolutely amazed because what I saw differed very much from what I percieve. I saw two very confident, happy little girls. Sierra (my oldest) was confidently jumping into the water, putting her face in and coming up giggling. Brooke (my youngest) was swimming with my hubby in her parent & tot class and joking and laughing with him. Before me were two very well cared for little girls who quite obviously have many of their physical and emotional needs met by their parents. Being their primary care giver, I was shocked when I realized that those needs are being met by me – I’m not the failure I perceive myself to be.

My glasses obviously have been tainting my visions of my children and probably my life too. Because I doubt myself and my abilities, I honestly believed my children were suffering. I thought that shuffling them to daycare, school and babysitters has been bad for them – that they think mommy doesn’t care about them. Like I’m copping out on parenting by working instead.  Thinking this way has made me unhappy – and I’ve been focussing on my failures lately rather than my successes, so I’m glad I took my glasses off on Monday night – because I now see my children for what they really are. They are strong, confident and independent because they know that they have to take responsibility for themselves. No one is going to do things for them unless they ask. They know that the world does not owe them, they know that they need to make things happen for themselves.  They are turning out to be the strong confident girls I want them to be and for that I’m very proud. 

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

How much thought do you put into what you share while online?

I don’t mean your identity – credit card numbers, social insurance numbers, etc… I’m sure we’re all very conscious about sharing that information.  What I mean is: Do you think twice about tweeting about what your child’s teacher wore to school today?  Or about the executive who was stinking up the bathroom stall next to you this morning?  Or about your idiot client who just doesn’t get it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah – they can’t find you…

Did you know there are sites such as: yoname, wink, spokeo and pipl where you can enter an email address and find out every social networking site that that particular email address has ever registered for?  (Spokeo generates by far the best results – tried it on myself).  So take for instance, that my hubby sends me an email to my personal email address from work.  Well guess what?  Now his employer has access to everything I’ve ever said online.  Maybe you’ve emailed your own boss from home to say you’re going to be late for work or will be staying home sick?  Well guess what? Now your boss can find out what you say about them online.  Have you ever emailed your child’s teacher?  Think about it….

Brand protection and reputations are serious issues for companies – and they spend big bucks paying companies to research social networking sites. They use google, twitsearch and other social networking searches to find out what their customers are saying about them.  Social Networking is a great tool, and a great way for them to find out what their customers and clients want from them, how they feel about them etc.  However, social networking is also a great tool for them to find out what their staff, the staff of their suppliers, and the staff of their clients are saying about them – even if they don’t mention the names of the companies.

Yes – Big Brother is ALWAYS watching!  (Trust me on this).  So the next time you type up a blog post, send a tweet, update your Facebook or LinkedIn status, take a moment and consider what you’re going to say and think about who’s reputation you could hurt by it.  Is it your employer’s?  A friend’s?  A family member’s?  Or could it even be your own?  Remember – no future employer will want to hire someone who bad-mouths people, or someone who’s spelling and grammar is atrocious.

Thanks for listening to my public service message, folks, and stay-tuned for tomorrow’s post in which I will write about how you can use Social Networking to boost your reputation.

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

But yanno what? Those families don’t have my kids – my kids the SLEEPLESS EFFING WONDERS!

After a whirl wind day of dropping kids off early at daycare, commuting 90 min downtown on a train for a course, commuting back home, feeding kids dinner (McDonald’s – yes studies show kids of working mother’s lead a less healthy lifestyle than their peers with SAHM’s and I totally believe it), going to swimming lessons, then arguing with kids for 90 minutes that it was bed time, I then stayed up a little too late last night fixing up Big List of Giveaways. BIG MISTAKE!!!!! I forgot my kids are the SLEEPLESS EFFING WONDERS!

Brooke woke up first at 1:15 because her pull up leaked, and bless her sweet soul, she was whimpering quietly in her bed trying to get back to sleep. I went in, changed her and her bedding and then she rolled over and whimpered back to sleep. Sierra woke up 30 minutes later and went on a hunt for mommy – why she went downstairs first I’ll never know. I heard her on the stairs crying for me, so I brought her into bed with me and she tossed and turned for 45 minutes (or longer at that time of the night/morning who the hell can tell time properly?).

I’m on a course downtown again today.

So 6 am came, I turned off the alarm and embarked on the onerous task of getting everyone dressed, fed, packed and off to their respective daycare, homecare etc… I even got the backyard ready for the pool company so they could close the pool. I made it to the train station with very few minutes to spare (flying by the seat of my pants as usual)… So I really didn’t have time for GO TRANSIT eff-wat ticket agents who don’t know what the hell a return/daypass ticket is! Although the agent charged me the right amount, she gave me a 10 ride ticket and told me I needed to cancel the ticket in the Proof of Payment machine. I said, “That’s funny, I didn’t need to do that yesterday”. I then walked to the machine and cancelled it. She called me back ’cause she realized she gave me the wrong ticket and she wanted me to give her more money!!! WHOA! I never take the train! Just for this one course which is only convenient for the speaker (all of the delegates live near me – we all talked yesterday). I “discussed” the situation with the eff-wat, I mean agent, then ran out for my train which was then pulling out of the station.

The train kept going leaving me screaming and waving on the platform. The next train came 20 minutes later!

Yes! After all the rushing, the cajoling of the kids etc.. to get to my train & course on time the EFF-WAT ticket agent made me late! The kicker? SHE DIDN’T EVEN APOLOGIZE!!!!

As tired as I am from solo parenting my SLEEPLESS EFFING WONDRS, I still made it to the train station on-time!! I am so mad that I hammered out a whole blog post on my iPod to vent! Now that’s mad!

So ummm – how’s your day going? Better I hope!

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

Completely fed up with my morning commute, yesterday I decided to try taking another route to work – a toll route (for those living in Toronto or the GTA, I bit the bullet and tried taking the 407 ETR).  It saved me 40 minutes AND I got a parking spot in our staff lot, instead of having to park off-site and take a shuttle into work from the off-site parking lot (there’s not enough parking at work for the amount of staff that work here).  40 f—king minutes!  I already take the toll route after work, and it saves me 30 minutes… By taking it yesterday morning, and after work I saved myself 70 minutes/day in commuting!  That’s a fair amount of time!  With the help of my handy dandy calculator I’ve figured out that over a year it will save me 303 hours.  303 HOURS!  That is a considerable amount of time!  ‘Cause that’s like 12.5 DAYS of my life! Holy crap – if I work here for 5 years, taking the 407 ETR will save me 62 days of my life.

But of course there’s a cost to taking the toll route… Heh heh, hence the word TOLL.  And I tell ya, this toll route is not friggin cheap…  And I am….  Taking this both ways every work day will cost me $100/month.  So here’s where I ask the internet for advice:

Would you take the toll route everyday?

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

Maybe I’m just nuts?

I dunno – maybe I just haven’t found the perfect work/life balance for me. I like working – but everyday? Will the grass be greener if I straddle the fence? Work part-time and be home part-time? How much money do I need to make working part-time to live the same lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to? Gah! Don’t you just love Mommy-Guilt?

In other news our new mattress set arrived last night. I had an amazing sleep, but didn’t manage to convince the hubby who had just spent two nights in a row up too late watching football (oh joy football is back…) to test out the new mattress with me ?

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

The clouds made me think returning to work would make everything better. They made me think being at home was the problem. But it wasn’t and it still isn’t.

I miss my two gorgeous gals like crazy when I work. And when they’re sick or have a daycare trip that I can’t go on it absolutely rips my heart out. I hate drugging my kids up to make them “get through” the day so I don’t have to use up yet another vacation day to look after a sick child. I hate being the mom who doesn’t go on school trips and I hate being the mom that shows up late for Mother’s Day Tea.

Sierra is sick with a nasty cough and runny nose. She looks like she feels like ass. But I have to work tomorrow. So I’m heading out to the drug store in my pj’s to find something to help relieve her of her symptoms so she can somewhat enjoy her day and so that I don’t have to rush away from all my work duties to pick her up. This absolutely breaks my heart cause the most important duty I have tomorrow is to love my girl and make her get better and feel better.

Why did I let those grey clouds convince me that work is a better place for me? Lately I’m beginning to think that there’s no place like home.

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

(That’s a pic of our backyard from the online
sales listing when we bought this house)

Unfortunately, not even 12 hours into my marvellous vacation, a flu bug has kicked my arse and has led me to decide to cancel my wonderful vacation.  Actually no – I haven’t cancelled my vacation, I have simply switched my destination, instead of Punta Backyarda, I’m now on vacation at Cabo San Beda:

(The previous owners are going to love
me for publishing pics of their bedroom)

Don’t I worry, I’ll be back when I no longer look (and feel) like this:

If you don’t hear from me in a few days, then please send me some hot homemade chicken soup, mmmm’k?  Thanks!

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

I NEED A VACATION!

I need a day of no kids and no work.  I’ve been chugging along day after day like this for 4 years and I desperately need a day to sleep in, relax on the deck by the pool with my coffee and a laptop, followed by some light housekeeping.  I REALLY need a break….  AND I really need to get some housekeeping done… Nevermind the fact that I would love to be wined and dined – oh to eat a dinner out in peace, that I didn’t prepare, in a microwave (have I mentioned that I have no oven?).

Stick a fork in me – I’m done! I’m no longer productive and in major need of a day off.  Thank god it’s Friday and after today I don’t have to work until next Tuesday!

Happy Friday folks!

Random Posts

• What A Shitty Way To Go… (6)
• If That’s What I Wanted, Then Why Am I So Sad? (6)
• Speaking of Hockey… (9)

For more great posts, please visit: http://www.momonthrun.net

Friday and I’m Fried

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

I often wonder if what I’ve felt during the winter months over the past few years has been SAD – seasonal affective disorder, rather than the PPD – post-partum depression I’ve been attributing it to?  Maybe I should tell hubby that I need to get away for 2 weeks every winter.  Yes, that’s it. I need to get away for 1 week in December with the fam-damily, and another week just him and I in early April (yanno, for our anniversary and all).

My NEW JOB is going well – very well.  I’m absolutely in love with the corporate culture here.  There is such a focus on health, well being and finding the work/life balance.  My co-workers are so positive and I often wonder why more companies don’t take this approach?  I bet employee productivity would surge for them if  they did. My NEW JOB is a very good fit for me, that’s for sure.   It’s so nice to find people to exercise with and run with at lunch time.  We also have “Flex” time here.  I apologized for being late a few times and my co-workers laughed at me – they said there’s no such thing as late as long as I make up the time.  This is a MUCH different philosophy than the one at my previous employer.  The way I feel here makes me wonder if my previous job was contributing to my grey cloudy skies?  My role and the environment here are very different.  I’m angry at myself for not realizing before how much my previous job was contributing to how I felt about myself.  I’m mad for not leaving sooner, or for not speaking up for myself.  Fighting for what I needed to feel good about myself….  Enh – who cares – it’s all in the past, right? Hakuna Matta, right? 

I’m just glad those grey clouds are pretty much gone!

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...

I’ve wanted this NEW JOB for a long, long, long time.  I have the education, I have the experience and the work ethic.  I can do this.  I feel like I’ve FINALLY made it!

But I’m scared freaking shitless.

I have “Buyers Remorse” (and those of who know what I do for a living will understand that play on words).  I feel a bit guilty for leaving my old job, and nervous about the unknown in my NEW JOB.

Will I be able to do it?  Will I like it?  Is it what I truly want?  Will I like my employer?  Will I get along with my co-workers?  Can I cope with a longer commute?  Will my truck cope with the longer commute? How will my kids adapt to having daddy do the morning daycare drop-off?

I guess only time will tell and it’s too late to go back, but that doesn’t stop me from still feeling nervous!

Help me, hold my hand and wish me well – can I do this?  Am I doing the right thing?

Mom On The Run - My life is a marathon, not a track meet...