If you follow me on twitter, then you’re probably well aware that I HATE traffic and I HATE the commute to my new job. Although, hubby has graciously stepped up to the plate and has begun taking the kids to daycare/school in the mornings without complaint, I still spend over 2 hours a day commuting. To me that is time that could be spent exercising and looking after myself, or spent with those near and dear to me, my oh-so-lovely daughters (on most days they’re ahem… lovely).
Completely fed up with my morning commute, yesterday I decided to try taking another route to work – a toll route (for those living in Toronto or the GTA, I bit the bullet and tried taking the 407 ETR). It saved me 40 minutes AND I got a parking spot in our staff lot, instead of having to park off-site and take a shuttle into work from the off-site parking lot (there’s not enough parking at work for the amount of staff that work here). 40 f—king minutes! I already take the toll route after work, and it saves me 30 minutes… By taking it yesterday morning, and after work I saved myself 70 minutes/day in commuting! That’s a fair amount of time! With the help of my handy dandy calculator I’ve figured out that over a year it will save me 303 hours. 303 HOURS! That is a considerable amount of time! ‘Cause that’s like 12.5 DAYS of my life! Holy crap – if I work here for 5 years, taking the 407 ETR will save me 62 days of my life.
But of course there’s a cost to taking the toll route… Heh heh, hence the word TOLL. And I tell ya, this toll route is not friggin cheap… And I am…. Taking this both ways every work day will cost me $100/month. So here’s where I ask the internet for advice:
I went back to work because staying home with my kids all day drove me nuts.
I left that job for another job because that old job drove me nuts.
I’m now contemplating figuring out how to stay home because learning the ropes at my new job and commuting is driving me nuts.
Maybe I’m just nuts?
I dunno – maybe I just haven’t found the perfect work/life balance for me. I like working – but everyday? Will the grass be greener if I straddle the fence? Work part-time and be home part-time? How much money do I need to make working part-time to live the same lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to? Gah! Don’t you just love Mommy-Guilt?
In other news our new mattress set arrived last night. I had an amazing sleep, but didn’t manage to convince the hubby who had just spent two nights in a row up too late watching football (oh joy football is back…) to test out the new mattress with me ?
The clouds of depression are very very powerful. Sometimes they even drive you to make unwise choices. Choices like returning to the workforce at the end of maternity leave even though your husband tells you you can stay home as long as you pick up a few $$ doing either before & after school care or waitressing 1-2 nights a week.
The clouds made me think returning to work would make everything better. They made me think being at home was the problem. But it wasn’t and it still isn’t.
I miss my two gorgeous gals like crazy when I work. And when they’re sick or have a daycare trip that I can’t go on it absolutely rips my heart out. I hate drugging my kids up to make them “get through” the day so I don’t have to use up yet another vacation day to look after a sick child. I hate being the mom who doesn’t go on school trips and I hate being the mom that shows up late for Mother’s Day Tea.
Sierra is sick with a nasty cough and runny nose. She looks like she feels like ass. But I have to work tomorrow. So I’m heading out to the drug store in my pj’s to find something to help relieve her of her symptoms so she can somewhat enjoy her day and so that I don’t have to rush away from all my work duties to pick her up. This absolutely breaks my heart cause the most important duty I have tomorrow is to love my girl and make her get better and feel better.
Why did I let those grey clouds convince me that work is a better place for me? Lately I’m beginning to think that there’s no place like home.