Here Come The Clouds…

I thought I could do it.  I thought this solo-parenting stint would be different.  I thought I could keep the clouds and fog from rolling in.  I developed a network of running buddies.  I would get out to run on my lunches. I planned out healthy meals – I prepared them a week ahead of time & froze them so I wouldn’t have to cook.  Or be stressed. Or eat unhealthy depression causing processed foods.  I gave up coffee – also known to cause depression.  I planned fun family outings:

Sun – fun swim
Mon – swimming lessons
Tues – stay home & Skype daddy (hubby)
Wed – McDonald’s playland, Skype daddy
Thurs – fun swim? Skype daddy?
Fri – Dinner with Oma & Opa
Sat – indoor playground? relax, clean up the tornado of solo-parenting aftermath, wait for daddy

I really really thought I could do this. I followed my plan.  I got out to run.  I ate healthy.

But an email came that shook my foundation, my strength, my courage and self-confidence.  “Honey, I’ll be home next week, but the week after I have to go away again.” I crumbled into tears.  When will this end?  How can I continue to be strong?  When can we be a family again?  Will it ever happen?  Am I waiting for a ship that will never set sail?

7 thoughts on “Here Come The Clouds…

  1. I know that I am just a stranger. I know it is good to be leary about strangers, but I follow you on twitter and have commented before on a previous post on depression. But from a stranger, who is also a Mom of little ones, well-educated business owner (hopefully those things make you less leary of me 😉 I just wanted to say hang in there. You are not alone. I wish depression would respond to logic and reason, but it does not. So, although, I know I am truly blessed, I still can’t keep the clouds away. You are in my thoughts today. LeeAnn

  2. Focus on the positives. Great Kids, good friends, loving hubby, caring family, etc. You will make it. This is only a stage in your life. You will be fine.

  3. Holy travel Batman!
    Janice, if you need adult conversation you know where to find @mgrmom and I. Thats a tough break, really shitty. We’ll be thinkin’ about ya!

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