Ho hum, hum ho…. Oh what shall I blog about today? Hmmmm…. I know! I could tell you all about how I embarrassed the shit out of myself today without even trying. First there was the exercise ball fiasco…. then there was the theraband fiasco… then there was the hissyfit fiasco – all in the span of one hour!
Exercise ball fiasco: I was attempting to be all cute and show-offy on the exercise ball doing sit-ups in my Mommy & Me Fitness class. I sat up and managed to shoot the ball from under my big bum across the gym and landed flat on my arse with a hard thud, ‘causing the instructor to ask if I was ok. I could barely answer her – It hurt so bad – I think I knocked the wind out of myself!
Theraband fiasco: Again with the cute and show-offy… While doing seated rows with a theraband (again in my Mommy & Me Fitness class), my theraband slipped out from under my feet and came back and bitchslapped me across the face. The instructor asked (once again) if I was ok – I managed a quick nod and pretended to secure the band back under my feet while I winced cried in pain.
Hissyfit fiasco: Sierra, my cute darling daughter who started out so good at Mommy & Me Fitness decided that 3/4 of the way through the class she needed to be fed. Now ordinarily this isn’t a big deal, afterall – it’s Mommy & Me Fitness class – a class where it’s perfectly normal to see moms, while doing aerobics, clutching their big ol’ boobies to keep them from jiggling too much (can they ever jiggle too much?). So like all the other moms, when my baby fusses, I sit down with her on the breastfeeding mat in the corner and feed her. Well wouldn’t you know it – Sierra would choose that exact moment to begin a nursing strike. Gotta love it – there’s me with a baby that’s wailing, absofrigginlutely wailing. Her arms are flung out to the side, her head is thrown back and her body is as stiff as a board as she screams and screams and screams. I lay the stiff baby across my lap – she opens one eye a slit, sees the boob coming and cries even harder! The last time she went on strike I discovered that there is only one way to coerce her to suck on the boob: Hold her sidelying across my tummy with my shirt up and my boob tickling her cheek while walking around (yes WALKING) and jostling her to calm down. A fine tactic as long as I’m in the privacy of my own home. But while out in public? Can I say embarrassing? So there I was, pacing the back of the gym, with a sore bum, a welt across my face from the theraband and my shirt up, boob hanging out, trying to coerce a screaming baby to suck on my boob! It took her 10 minutes to calm down – I got her to latch and she was happy for oh – 10 seconds. When the milkies didn’t come fast enough she began to wail again! It took another 5 minutes to calm her down again but I managed to get her cute belly full. At this point class was over and I couldn’t be happier to get the hell out of there!
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LOL!! I am sooo sorry about your embarrassements. But they are pretty funny! Also I have read about babies that refuse to nurse immediatley after exercise. Some mommies have to pump & dump that batch. weird eh? Something to do with endorphines altering the taste or something
Ah the joys of motherhood. Or parenthood. There was the time that our first baby did massive smelly poops while we were stuck in a slow elevator in a ritzy building in NYC. That elevator car cleared out in a hurry when the doors opened.
Very funny. I have fallen four times in a row on a slick sidewalk in the rain but I haven’t bitchslapped myself with a theraband yet.
That was terrible!
That class sounds dangerous!
I was reading yesterday that some babies might cry at times just for a release, something they have to get out (like my wife when she’s having a bad day). Although I realize it’s easier to let her be moody at home as opposed to going out in public like that.
Good job though, you’re a trooper!
You CAN’T make that stuff up!!!
Sorry to hear that you had such an ordeal… but to be honest… I was smiling though the read. Of course, you have a great story “Oh, you think that was a good one… let me tell you about my Mommy & Me class…”
This is why I avoid fitness class like the plague.
So sorry it happened! But I’m enjoying the giggle. (I’m laughing WITH you, of course)
Sounds like you had a day. Hopefully next time is better.
You have more stamina than I do. I remember going to one of those classes where I had to stand on this half-ball thingy and was supposed to be balancing and jumping and doing all kinds of things on top of it. It was my first time, but not everybody else’s.
I found out that I’m not the balancing type. I think it only took about 7 minutes worth of participation before people smiled at me as they saw me leaving. Smug bastards.
I’m so sorry you went through so much- but good grief you are hilarious at retelling a story! Those nursing strikes are so difficult I never ever had that happen with my first baby(mr I’m happy to nurse anytime anyplace) but my second one will pull that in a heartbeat (and its ALWAYS when we are somewhere in public and I’m trying to be discreet)
SO SORRY YOU HAD A BAD DAY! EVEN THROUGH IT ALL YOU STUCK IN OUT (LITERALLY) AND TOOK CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER!! SORRY COULDN’T RESIST!!
The answer is no. There’s no such thing as boobies jiggling too much. You’re welcome:grin:
Thanks for the humor
It was just what I needed after a rotten week at work. 
Yeah, what Kiran said. This post would make a hilarious stand up comedy routine! Ever thought of auditioning at Yuk Yuks?
Sounds like a fun day…only, kinda not. Hope today’s a better one
What an attitude on her! Mia chose to have her refuse to eat hissyfit of the week in front of my mother. Ugh.