I Screwed Up

toddler_tantrum.jpg
Toddler Tantrum

Tonight was absolutely horrible. And it was all my fault.

Sierra was utterly and completely exhausted @ 7:30 pm after watching Go Diego Go. Normally we take a long luxurious shower together, then into pj’s, then books, bottle & cuddles. Tonight I said “you’re tired, let’s skip the shower”. She had a total meltdown: “no clothes, no bed, no bubba – I wanna shower!”. Unfortunately she fights me tooth and nail over everything, so I had to stick to my guns and enforce the “I said no shower” thing. I threatened to put her to bed naked – she kept screaming, crying and not co-operating, so I put her into bed wearing only a diaper, turned the light off and left the room. A few minutes later there was no more crying. Rob went into her room to check on her. She’d pulled off her diaper and had fallen asleep – unfortunately she was sleeping in a puddle of pee. He woke her up, dressed her in her pj’s, changed her sheets, cuddled her and gave her a bottle. (I was downstairs crying – pissed off that I had to fight her, and sad that I had saddened her).

I had no idea that she valued our showers together that much. I should’ve offered her a quick shower, then short cuddles and book. But I couldn’t go back on my word. She’s a typical insane two year old. She doesn’t listen to me – she always wants her way. Things have gotten worse now that Brooke requires more attention during the day. I feel like the worse mother in the world for not realizing that shower time was her special time with mommy. A time when Brooke is handed off to daddy so that Sierra and mommy have one-on-one time. My whole rotten evening was my own damn fault and I feel awful for being a meanie to my daughter. How can I ever make it up to her?

7 thoughts on “I Screwed Up

  1. You’re a good Mommy! I’ll say it again. You’re a good Mommy! Don’t be so hard on yourself. If the worst thing you do to her is break the routine one night, you’re FANTASTIC! She won’t even remember it in the morning. You’ve got two little people taking all your energy and stamina right now. Be good to yourself. Go easy on yourself. Maybe, go back and read this post like it was being written by a stranger. Would you think they were horrible? No. So why would you be kinder to them then to yourself? Hugs…she’ll be okay. And good for Daddy for being there to help.

  2. Leanne is right – you are a good Mommy. Sierra will forget all about it and will still love you in spite of this incident. I’m sure you learned from it and it won’t happen again. Don’t be so hard on yourself! I made mistakes raising you and your brother as well and you both turned out to be good people I’m proud of.

  3. I’ll say it too, you’re a good Mommy!

    Kids aren’t little people, their children. If an adult acted that loud and upset about something, you’d know it was a terribly traumatic thing for them. Kids act like that for very small things because their emotions are just crazy and they can’t control them yet. They just react, its not really them making that noise.

    You’re a good Mommy for caring about how she feels and feeling hurt when she’s sad. I doubt she even remembered the next morning. When its late and kids are tired, they just go on instict and lock onto stuff and just won’t let it go.

    Routines are important and its hard for them to mentally skip a track like that. They don’t like change. But they get over it. Its part of them growing up, learning to adapt. They didn’t like coming out into the air after 9 months in water. They didn’t like eating solid food instead of breast milk. They didn’t (or won’t) like peeing/pooping in the toilet instead of a diaper. They won’t like eating with utensils. The list goes on.

    You hang in there, Janice. You’re a good Mommy. And even for good Mommies, sometimes there’s conflict.

  4. Luckily most kids don’t remember anything back to when they were that young, so today’s trauma will be forgotten. Then there’s be the new trauma the next day :)

  5. If this is the worst you ever screw up as a mother … you will be mother of the year till long after your kids are grown up! Don’t sweat this one at all. You’ll remember it long after Sierra. GOOD MOMMY!!!

  6. How awful. I could really feel your pain in your writing (so congratulations on being a good writer???LOL).

    Glad things are a bit better now.

  7. You stuck to your guns and laid down the law (AND stuck to it!) that’s what a parent is supposed to do. Your kids don’t have to like you 100% to be a good parent. I’m on your side here and would even venture that hubby kuddling with her may implant in her mind that she can manipulate him easier since she may perceive him coming in and waking her as “giving in”… just a hypothesis. It sound’s like Sierra has the hard headedness as Ryan (aka The Younger) who is very strong willed and it only takes once for him to see a trend and get a foot in the door. Kids… why don’t they come with manuals?

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