I’m Sorry Little Brookie

I’m saying this ahead of time ’cause I know that my wee little daughter is about to have the worst day of her wee little life tomorrow.  You see I have something important to do tomorrow afternoon before I go back to work (I won’t tell you what it is just yet – that’s for another post later this week).  Hubby was supposed to take the afternoon off of work to spend with our youngest off-spring while our preschooler is at daycare, but alas, a very important meeting got scheduled and he can’t take the afternoon off.  Stuck with no childcare for Brooke, I approached her future daycare to see if she could go there for 2 hours in the afternoon.  They said sure, there’s space,  but there’s a catch, we don’t do 1/2 days, she has to come the full day.  A FULL day?  You mean ALL day?  ALL day away from mommy?  Oh boy! 

You see almost 1 yr old Brooke is still nursing.  AND she and I have NEVER spent a day apart.  Her separation anxiety from me lately has hit new levels, so there’s no way, no effing way that tomorrow is going to go well for Brooke.  I’ve tried weaning her, offering sippy cups all day, distracting her, putting her down for naps by only rocking her, offering her more food etc…  But Brooke?  She has no interest in weaning.  And me?  I have no interest in completely weaning for a while as well.  I totally don’t mind nursing before and after work and through the night.  However – we haven’t quite gotten that far yet, so I know Brooke is going to spend the majority of tomorrow sad and crying. 

You know what?  It breaks my heart to know that I will be inflicting that much sadness on my little girl.  Every time I close my eyes I picture her sad and crying with snot running out of her nose and tears streaming down her tiny face.  My stomach is in a knot just thinking about tomorrow.  So I’ll say it now – I’m sorry Brookie, Mommy doesn’t mean to make you sad.  You’ll slowly learn to love and trust your caregivers at daycare, you’ll slowly learn to like your sippy cup, and you’ll slowly learn to enjoy playing with your new friends and toys at daycare.  I wish I could be there with you tomorrow and from Monday onwards too – but I can’t.  It’s time for me to go back to work.  I’m sorry little Brookie, mommy loves you, please remember that.

5 thoughts on “I’m Sorry Little Brookie

  1. I know this feeling all too well (well….not the breastfeeding part) but the anticipated separation anxiety when you put your child in the care of “strangers” for the first time. The first day is always really tough. Keep your chin up and remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    Good post!

  2. Aww, I’m sad that I have to work tomorrow, otherwise I’d come and take care of the little munchkin! Here’s a big (((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) for you. Hopefully they will allow Sierra in to see her a few times.

    omas last blog post..Welcome Home!

  3. Hey! I’m a lurker-I found your blog after you found mine 😆 and have been lurking since. Just wanted to say how sorry I am-that’s a tough emotional thing to do times two! Hang in there. I nursed my oldest for 8 months and it was hard to let it go-the emotional part of it.

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