Ahhh motherhood. I am so not hip anymore (ok, maybe I never was?). You know what I did yesterday? I went to a petting zoo. A PETTING ZOO! With my almost 4 month old daughter. My daughter who couldn’t even pet the damn dog even if Cosmo Dawg put her head under her hand. But guess what? I had fun – F U N ! I showed her the chickens, roosters, pigeons, goats, bunnies and peacocks. I parked her stroller in front of the BIGGEST sandbox you’ve ever seen (besides the beach) and let her watch other kids play. I also showed her a pumpkin patch – all of this at Springridge Farm.
!@(01285sfmombunker.jpg popimg: “Mom In Jail”)It’s funny – for the past almost 4 months I’ve been mourning my old life. When Cosmo Boy comes home from work he asks what I did all day, to which I grumble a disheartened: “I breastfed”. That’s about it. I’ve longed for a girls night out. A chance to do my makeup, put on some non-sweat pants and heels. Maybe even drink a pint or two. Shoot the shit with my girls – cackle over what that girl over there is wearing. BUT that was before tonight. For the first time since Sierra was born Cosmo Boy put her down (successfully) to bed.
My feelings are like a pendulum – tick, tock, tick, tock (oh wait that’s a clock – well you know what pendulums do). I’ve been resenting for 4 mos that I’m the only one that can put Sierra to bed. I feel tied down. I feel a loss of freedom. I feel like a prisoner of the nap schedule by she who will not sleep anywhere but in her own crib. But WHAM! Tonight my feelings have changed. I feel hurt, unwanted, a failure – my baby went down for someone else! It’s shaking my definition of myself. Who am I? Am I Marie? Am I mommy?
I need to redefine myself. Find a new “normal”. I’ll no longer go on long leisurely jogs with just my thoughts to keep me company. I’ll still jog, only my new normal will be jogging with my new stroller, Sierra and Cosmo Dawg while wearing maternity shorts and a nursing bra. A girls night out will mean drinking responsibly 
, waking up WITHOUT a hangover! I think I’m about ready to FINALLY accept my new normal – I’m Marie – the mommy! I’ll do all the same things as Marie did – only with a maternal twist!
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Girl, give yourself some time! You have been a Mommy for four months, yet you have been a non-Mommy for a long time! I totally felt the way you do now, and honestly you do redefine yourself and find your new self as a Mommy, Wife, Woman and so much more!
chelle
Since I didn’t breastfeed, I was able to have a beer when my daughter was just a few months old. And it was weird, let me tell ya… a bunch of us sitting out in the backyard on a summer night, with the monitor right beside us, where I drank responsibly. I was scared shitless that if I had too much to drink I wouldn’t hear her if she was crying in the night.
So it was kind of a drag to do that. But I remember feeling tied down, the only one working all day and night, resentment for my then husband who contributed nothing.
Ok, this is turning sour. Just saying I know how you feel, but I think you’ll start feeling good that someone else can put the baby down and give you some time to enjoy yourself.
Marie, drinking responsibly? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Sometimes the more you look for something the more difficult it is to find. Relax and let whatever will happen happen.
Argh! I just had two comments totally blasted away. Now I can’t even remember what I wanted to say.
Anyway, uh, glad the little one going to sleep for someone else and it doesn’t mean you are a failure, it means you trained Cosmo Boy well! Be happy, Marie. You’re a good Mommy.
I did get drunk a few times when Kaitlyn was a baby (Xmas Party, My birthday). Pumping or supplementing with formula the next morning helped. You will eventually balance Cosmogrrl and Cosmomommy out and you’ve seen me in heels and makeup making fun of girls in a bar!! LOL. I’m lazyblondemommy – it can be done. It just takes time. We’ll so have a girls night out sometime this winter!! Once my tummy can fit back into things without giggling like Homer Simpsons!
Chris is actually better at putting Mia to bed than I am! And since you spend all day breastfeeding, it’s only fair that your husband share the fun of putting her to bed. Just look at it as some time for you.
you go girl!
You are getting there- eventually you’ll find that its possible for you to be Marie AND the Mommy. Hope you can get out and have some “you” time soon. The petting zoo sounds like fun- enjoy this time because pretty soon she’s going to be chasing those animals around.