Scared Silly

Does being a parent scare the bejeezus outta you?  Not in the "Holy crap I knocked up some chick" kinda way, or in the "OMFG I’m pregnant" kinda way, but in the "OMG everything I say and do will shape who my kids become" kinda way?  No?  Really?  Than me nether….

 

Every single day I replay the day in my head before I go to sleep.  Mostly the interactions with my two year old, for some reason I don’t worry about the baby (maybe because I’ve been through it before?).  I see so much of what I say and do repeated in Sierra’s actions and play each day that it scares me.  It shouldn’t surprise me though, afterall she spends almost every waking minute of her day solely with me.  I’m her principal caretaker, and principal role model.  Doesn’t that thought just make you want to dive for cover?

 

I often wonder:  Am I teaching her to be a good person?  Am I giving her the confidence to make the right choices in life?  Do I show her enough attention to make her feel good about herself?  Does she watch too much TV?  Do I provide her with enough variety in her daily activities?  Enough socialization with other children?  The right food choices?  And sigh, yes, do I provide the right discipline?

 

It’s no wonder that I frequently have difficulty falling asleep!

 

But every morning, when I enter her room, she exclaims in the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard: "MOMMY!".  She’s so excited to see me and bear hugs my neck with her skinny little two year old arms – it makes me absolutely melt.  It’s at that moment that I realize it doesn’t matter.  I’m doing my bestest job and she still loves me.  I couldn’t ask for anything more than that, now could I?

 

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4 thoughts on “Scared Silly

  1. Yeah I am so with you. I second guess my day at night too, especially on the days where my 2 year old and I were butting heads. I realize she is her own person and wants to learn by being independent but I so want to keep mothering her. We do our best to balance mothering and nurturing and teaching that some days its all too hard to get it right. But they love us and that’s all that matters.

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  2. I still go over alot of the things I do and say to my boys everyday … it will probably never stop. All you can do is be the best parent you can be and be the best person you can be especially when you think they are not watching, and they will learn alot from what they see. As I tell my boys with their school work “As long as you do your absolute best, no matter how good or bad that might be … be proud of yourself because no one can expect more than your best” Then I tell them I am proud of them for doing their best!

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