The clouds of depression are very very powerful. Sometimes they even drive you to make unwise choices. Choices like returning to the workforce at the end of maternity leave even though your husband tells you you can stay home as long as you pick up a few $$ doing either before & after school care or waitressing 1-2 nights a week.
The clouds made me think returning to work would make everything better. They made me think being at home was the problem. But it wasn’t and it still isn’t.
I miss my two gorgeous gals like crazy when I work. And when they’re sick or have a daycare trip that I can’t go on it absolutely rips my heart out. I hate drugging my kids up to make them “get through” the day so I don’t have to use up yet another vacation day to look after a sick child. I hate being the mom who doesn’t go on school trips and I hate being the mom that shows up late for Mother’s Day Tea.
Sierra is sick with a nasty cough and runny nose. She looks like she feels like ass. But I have to work tomorrow. So I’m heading out to the drug store in my pj’s to find something to help relieve her of her symptoms so she can somewhat enjoy her day and so that I don’t have to rush away from all my work duties to pick her up. This absolutely breaks my heart cause the most important duty I have tomorrow is to love my girl and make her get better and feel better.
Why did I let those grey clouds convince me that work is a better place for me? Lately I’m beginning to think that there’s no place like home.
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This is just another (of the many) sign you are a GREAT MOM!!!!!
You also need to remember you are working to give them a much better life than you would be able to being stay at home mom, or a part time waitress.
As your girls get older the amount of times they are sick gets fewer and fewer.
I hope Sierra gets to feeling better.
Well, it’s all about balance. And while you’re feeling bad for not being there, they are learning to be more independent, so that’s a good thing. She’ll be ok, and you’ll be ok. It’s just a cold – one of many, and you’re doing the best you can so that your girls feel loved and looked after.