Sierra, my oldest daughter is now close to 3.5 and Brooke my youngest daughter is close to 16 mos old. Things in our little corner of the universe are just starting to get “good”. Sierra can use the washroom independently, stays dry through the night, feed herself, and sleeps through the night on a very regular basis etc. Brooke has almost finished weaning – we’re down to nursing 1-2 times a day (at this point it’s gotta be solely for comfort), she occasionally sleeps through the night and periodically plays nicely with her big sister. I should be celebrating – the baby/infant phase of my life is just about over and I’m about to enter a whole new phase where I can regain some more freedom and attempt to get back to doing the things the “old” Janice enjoyed, like running, shopping my myself etc… Only I’m not so sure about this freedom thing. You see, part of me can’t imagine not nursing, being pregnant, waking up for night feedings etc… I can’t imagine not having a cute, chubby, wobbly little toddler underfoot. Rob and I have always talked about having three kids. We find ourselves now teetering on the proverbial fence. We’re damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. If we do, then we face another two years of diapers, night wakings and tremendous amounts of crying. But if we don’t then we may always feel an emptiness, a what if? Will we always wonder if we “stopped” a life? Would we always wonder who our family is missing? A little brother? The boy I always wanted? Or another sister – a threesome of cute little girls?
Is there any easy way to decide which side of the fence we should jump to? How did you decided to have another or stop?