On Friday I stopped by the office of Sierra’s daycare to drop off her $$ for a pottery class the kiddos will be doing this week. Pottery for 2 yr olds? Are they insane? Anyways, while there I asked whether Brooke is able to get in for full time daycare starting July 7th (her 1st Birthday and the fateful day when I go back to work). I’ve had her on a waiting list ’cause daycare for babies in these parts is hard to come by. They did a quick look up and sure enough there IS a spot for her. Ummmm…. yay? Knowing that we have a great daycare lined up for her where I can even watch her through live streaming video over the internet,is definitely a worry off of my shoulders. But it also brings about the reality that I will soon no longer be her one and only caregiver. That I will have to wean her partially, and throw her to the wolves. I will no longer be the mama bear able to protect her from poking by other cubs, sheltering her from all harm. I will have loosen my apron strings a bit and let her go.
Why is this so painful? Why is this so hard again? It was excruciatingly hard when Sierra was a baby, I felt bad for months. I cried when I dropped her off for weeks. I thought this time would be easier, afterall I’ve already been through it once. But its hard again. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes. Brooke is so sweet and happy all. the. time! I’m so sad that I will have to make my happy baby sad. I’ve been so reluctant to wean her, reluctant to leave her because I don’t want her to cry. I’m so afraid that she’ll be so traumatized, cry so much that her caregiver will shake her. Shaken baby syndrome scares the crap out of me ’cause it could happen so easily. I know her new daycare is good – they have nothing to hide and even allow us the option to watch our kids anytime over the internet.
I know, I know…. I’m being WAY over emotional! But c’mon! How can I ever leave this sweet little butt scooting baby?:
Isn’t she the most adorable thing ever? Arrrgh! July is scooting up on me far too fast!