What You Don’t Know Can’t Hurt You…

Yesterday, my neighbour (whom I go for a walk with every morning and has a 6 month old darling son) and I were talking about our newest favourite subjects: motherhood, pregnancy and labour/delivery. Since we rarely travel more than a km from home, what else is there to chat about? Anyways, we got to talking about all the things that come with motherhood that our mothers, and friends who are mothers never told us about. Being a good little blogger I’ve decided to share some of these secrets with the blogging world:

During pregnancy I didn’t know that:

  • I wouldn’t be able to see my pubes – I knew that I wouldn’t be able to see my feet, but no one told me that for the last 4 months of pregnancy I wouldn’t be able to see my pubes.
  • My boobs would touch my tummy – I knew my tummy would grow, and I knew that my boobs might grow, but no one told me that they would each grow until the met each other.

During labour/delivery I didn’t know that:

  • I shouldn’t eat anything while in labour – I ate an apple on my way to the hospital ’cause I hadn’t had dinner yet and I was VERY hungry. The apple came back out all over me 2 hours later – no one told me that would happen.
  • Once your water breaks you’re going to have a baby. Seriously, I thought that because I was 4 weeks away from being due, and my contractions hadn’t started that it would still be a few weeks until I had the baby. The hospital laughed at me when I called and asked them what I should do – they said: “Honey, you’re having a baby – get in here!”.
  • When your water breaks the water keeps on coming and coming and coming – yep, no one told me that either, our SUV will never be the same…

Post-partum:

  • Cramps – cramps, cramps and more cramps – no one told me that I would have bad cramps AFTER having the baby. Everytime I fed Sierra I was doubled over in pain. I asked the nurse how long they would last, and she said that it takes 6 weeks for my uterus to get back down to normal size – as soon as I got home from the hospital I bought a jumbo pack of ADVIL – needless to say the bottle is now empty.
  • One word: Lochia. I had no idea that 9 months of no period bliss would be followed by the longest period of my life. Sierra wasn’t the only one with diaper rash this summer…
  • Episiotomy Care – no one told me that it would be that itchy, or how to deal with the itch. At a lactation appointment, I asked the LC how long I needed my squirt bottle and what I should do for the itchiness. She handed me some sample “Tucks“.

Yep – pregnancy and motherhood are fun – fun, fun, fun – I’m sure there are a thousand other details that our mothers for got to share with us…

15 thoughts on “What You Don’t Know Can’t Hurt You…

  1. Just think Marie, if we had shared all those things with our daughters, there might never be another generation. To be perfectly honest with you, we forget all those nasty details! Honest! :roll: Once you hit 50 years of age, you’ll know what I mean. Women today having babies have it a lot better than we did. We had to stay in the hospital for a minimum of 5 days before they let us go home. Our children were not allowed in to see their new little brother or sister; we didn’t have the nice birthing or labour rooms all the hospitals seem to have now. We had to feed our babies when the nurses brought them to us. I could go on & on, but I think you get my point. At least you didn’t have to have an enema or get shaved! Gas & labour pains at the same time feel like you’re being torn in two.

  2. Holy tmi batman:!: If your goal was turning me OFF having a baby, you’ve succeeded 😯
    BTW – you forgot to mention the whoopie cushion all episiotomy client’s get when they get kicked out of the hospital. My sister got one – did you?

  3. I think no one told you, cuz they don’t really remember it themselves until you remind them in posts like this, even though you may ask them 1 week after their delivery, never mind once they hit 50 (since I’m close to there).

    And, AND, I told the nurse when my daughter was coming out, that I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. She, of course, thought that was ridiculous because I’d been given an ENEMA, as all pregnant women are when in labour, but I had to wonder why there was a “poo” that the nurse was picking up just before my daughter came out (thanks to those mirrors in my crotchal area).

    There are so many things you forget during pregnancy, and during childbirth (like puking a couple of hours after that epidural), that you’d probably like to share with others, except for how scary they’d sound to a newcomer to that whole childbirthing thing. Your Oma is probably right… nobody would have kids again (and she’s never baked any apple pie for me – what up with that?).

    Be happy that you probably won’t have any memory of half that whole experience to recount on the next pregnant person who asks you about it.

    Beautiful on the one hand…. and… then there’s the other hand.

  4. Your mom is right, this is going to seem like such a distant memory soon. Not soon enough for you, though! I’ll share another with you, but I think I’ll wait until after Sierra’s first bday. 😕

  5. “When your water breaks the water keeps on coming and coming and coming – yep, no one told me that either, our SUV will never be the same…”

    I’ll share a story about how my sister-in-law’s water broke and she never knew it. Why? Because none came out! Why? Because the baby’s 17-1/2″ head plugged her up tightly. So here is the rest of the story: Her water broke but she didn’t know it. She was having contractions (REAL labor contrations), She goes to the hospital and they send her home saying they are Braxton-Hicks. She goes home walks-in the door, her Mommy-sense tells her that something is wrong. She goes back to the hospital and in less than 20 minutes her son is born.

    So, let’s see: since the baby was blocking the water, there was no natural lubrication, other than KY to help with the delivery. Also, because it was so late in labor, no pain medication – au natural – not her method of choice. Her son was also a full-sized term baby, hence the 17-1/2″ head!, so there’s nothing gentle as this watermelon wrecking ball made it’s way down the aisle.

    Such a small price for a wonderful baby and a pretty cool nephew

  6. Giving birth and racing are a lot alike. Pregnancy, like training, often involves unexpected physical changes to deal with (blisters, chafing, sore muscles, tiredness, stretch marks, walking funny). Both involve constantly knowing where the bathrooms are. Then you have the actual event which sneaks up on you, whether you’re ready or not. During the event one has to deal with bodily fluids that you never see broadcast in the Olympics or on sit coms, and you’re left with a body that needs care you never anticipated in recovering. Heck, after birth though, you have MORE than one body to care for, and the one that’s not yours still gives you pain and relief, cuddles and grief for long, long after you’ve forgotten where the medal went from the race.

  7. Well, some girls like trimming their pubes into a landing strip. Maybe Marie is such a girl? (I wouldn’t know; some lucky Cosmo Boy was already dating her before I met her :cry:)

  8. Oh my:shock:! I had forgotten most of that stuff, and it’s only been 22 months. No wonder people used to have multitudes of children because they forgot the bad until they were pregnant again:wink:

  9. I am due any day now, and to be honest I am glad to read these comments — makes me feel better prepared, and being better prepared makes me feel more in control — and I desperately need that feeling right now …..

Comments are closed.